8dp3dt - Can You See It?

Symptom watch has continued all week. It's gone kind of like this:

Ooh, here's some cramping. My boobs don't hurt at all. I feel kind of tired - I wonder if that means anything (besides that I've only been without my precious Diet Coke for about a week). A little more cramping. Nothing. Most of my pants don't fit. I've been driving myself insane!

I've been dying to POAS, but E convinced me to wait until at least this morning. As soon as I woke up, I peed, went downstairs to let the dogs out, and I came back to check the progress. This is what I saw:

It's really faint and I'm sure I didn't really capture it well with my camera, but there's a freakin' line. It's the first time I've EVER seen one. I called E into the bathroom and asked if he could see it, too. He agreed that it was light, but he could see it. He smiled. I cried. We hugged.

HOLY CRAP! I know it's early, and I'll definitely be doing it again tomorrow and again Monday before my beta, but WOW!

One More Thing

I just remembered something else crazy today. There were two all-office birth announcement e-mails today. Seriously. There should be a setting in Outlook that blocks those damn things when infertiles are in their 2WW. Yuck.

Delete!

4dp3dt

I'm officially driving myself crazy with the wait. First my boobs feel swollen and sore. Then nothing. Then they're only a little bit sore. From time to time I feel a tiny twinge, cramp, or anything in that general area and wonder if this is it. Implantation? Or just digestion?

E jokes that the "babies" must be kicking. They'll be strong. Maybe soccer players.

Either way, this was my first day back at work after the transfer and thank God I was busy. Don't get me wrong. I spent plenty of time consulting Dr. Google, but I had lots to do (seriously, more than 80 e-mails about just one project between Thursday afternoon and today) so I kept my mind off of it as much as possible.

My beta is on Monday. I think I'm going to take the day off, unless I POAS before that and get a BFP. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to make it to Monday without POAS at least twice (I know I have two tests in the house).

This is just maddening. The 2WW is EVIL. I'm trying to stay positive and do my meditations, but AGHHHH!

Bed Rest is Boring

My transfer went really well yesterday, and now I'm just hanging out, relaxing in bed. And hoping.

Dr. D called early in the morning and said that all of our embryos looked good (I don't remember the specifics). Based on my age and how they looked, she recommended transferring two, which is exactly what we wanted to do. I know there's no guarantee that three would stick if transferred, but the thought of triplets is really scary to me. A woman in my office has IUI triplets and I'm not sure how I could handle working, three newborns, managing our rentals, etc. So, anyway, whew. Two it is.

I grabbed my bottled water and we headed for the office. We checked in at 8:45 just like we were told, then the nurse mentioned that Dr. D would be there at 10. My jaw dropped. They had told me it would be 9. My bladder was so full I thought it would burst right on the table even if we went in at 9, let alone 10. The nurse said she'd go check. By 9:30, I couldn't take it anymore and called for the nurse to ask for an update and permission to relieve my bladder at least a little. It was hard to stop once the flood gates opened, but I did it. Immediately after that, the nurse came in to take us back. Crap. I took a few more chugs and we headed back.

When we got into the room, someone pointed out a stool right next to the table and said, "Dad, you can sit right here". I was totally choked up. Then Dr. D handed us a photo of all five embies and pointed out the two. Can you call embryos cute? 'Cuz they were the cutest ones I've ever seen. There was a little pressure and then they were in. That was it. I also asked Dr. D about the other three and she thought we'd be able to freeze at least two of them. Woo Hoo!

I got wheeled back to the initial room to relax for an hour. I listened to my meditation, they drew blood, we waited some more, and finally we go to head home. E took me to my acupuncture appointment, where I listened to my meditation again, we grabbed some Subway to bring home, and I planted my butt in bed.

And here I am. Still in bed. I've watched three of the five movies I rented. I've watched some crappy TV. And I'm bored. Just hangin' out, thinking sticky thoughts.

Hello ICLWers

Welcome to my little blog. Thanks for stopping by. Here's the elevator version of our story:

We've been together for almost five years and TTC for much of the last two. We've been through several unsuccessful Clomid cycles, sat out lots of months with cysts, and went for our first IUI in February. We were cancelled because of a low sperm count and found out IVF with ICSI is pretty much our only shot. After lots of testing and a surgery, we are in the midst of our IVF cycle right now. Tomorrow is transfer day.

Our life outside of IF (I know, it does exist) is filled with hectic full-time jobs, two dogs, two cats, E's work on his Ph.D., and several rental properties.

I look forward to hearing your stories.

The Fab Five

All five are still growing. The nurse didn't give me any specifics, but she did say that if they see abnormalities there is some sort of code put on the file. No code!!

I'm supposed to be at the hospital at 8:45 tomorrow with my bladder full and my Valium in hand. Dr. D will call us earlier in the morning to discuss the specifics of the embryos and make the final call on how many we'll transfer.

I'll try to write more later. Gotta get back to work so I can get out of here on time.

YAY!

Fertilized!!!

I finally got the call. All five were ICSI’d and ALL FIVE FERTILIZED!!! I’m so frickin’ excited. I couldn’t hold back the tears as the nurse told me the news. They’ll call back tomorrow with an update and final details of the transfer on Friday. Oh. My. God.

I went into the bathroom, regained at least some of my composure, and called E to give him the amazing news. Poor guy is at home cramming for the last few minutes before he has to leave for a huge board exam this afternoon. He was excited and asked me a few questions, including “Do they sometimes not fertilize?” Wow, guys are so lucky to not have the role of worrying about all of the details/process. He’s not a details guy, and I guess I do enough obsessing/worrying/researching for both us so we’ll be fine.

I came back to my desk and cried a little more. I can’t believe we’re actually here. This is the closest we’ve ever come. We didn’t know it at the time, but nothing we did any of the other times was ever going to work. And now we have five beautiful little embies that are part me and part him. It’s just so overwhelming.

Well, I better get back to work before I turn into a big, blubbering pile of goo.

Retrieval Day

We got up before the crack of dawn this morning to make our way to our retrieval. Results weren't quite as good as I'd hoped, but they could have been a lot worse so I guess I'll take what I can get. Even though I had more follicles during the ultrasounds, we ended up with 5 eggs. And now we wait - that's the name of the game, isn't it?

I felt like the procedure went well and Dr. D said so, too. The nurses were really nice, but they had trouble getting my IV started. It took four pokes and I'm going to have some lovely bruises tomorrow. That was definitely the worst part.

E and I got to walk down the hall together where they took him through one door to produce his sample and took me through another. Anesthesia went well. Once I was in the stirrups, they put a mask over my mouth and nose. I took two breathes and that was it. Then I woke up with another really nice nurse who liked my fabulous striped socks. She had just seen the play "Wicked" and said they reminded her of the witch - hehe!

Then she gave me the egg report, which was less than thrilling. Five. I know. All it takes is one, but please, please, please let this be enough. We're doing ICSI, so hopefully they'll all fertilize. I'm praying for a good report tomorrow morning. I feel much better than I did after my lap last month so I'll be going to work tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

3rd Follie Check

This morning I had another u/s and b/w. My local doctor's office isn't open on on Sundays, so I actually had to go to the RE's office an hour away. My lining was good, E2 was 1575, and Dr. D said it's time to trigger! Yay!

She said it looks like we'll have seven mature eggs and a few others that may or may not catch up. I was kind of dissapointed by the low number, but she seems confident that we'll be fine. We signed all of the consent forms and got our updated instructions:

HCG trigger tonight at 10
Retrieval Tuesday morning
Start PIO Tuesday - so not looking forward to that
Transfer Friday morning

Tomorrow, I'll call my acupuncturist and schedule my pre- and post-transfer sessions. Holy crap. I'm so excited/nervous/freaked out that it's finally the big week. It's a good thing I'm going to be swamped at work tomorrow or I'd be a useless mess.

In other non-IF news, we spent a few hours over at one of our rentals this afternoon. We (well, mostly E) mowed and did yard work and I had four showings. Our tenants, who are awesome, graduated and will be moving out at the end of the month. Two of the four filled out applications on the spot -- and I liked them both. I still have to process the applications (credit/criminal/reference checks), but I think either of them would be fine. They're both willing to sign a lease starting June 1, so no lapse in rent payments.

Woo hoo!

Money Sucks

Seriously. Money sucks. We had a big meeting today at work and found out that due to the fabulous economy, someone from our department was let go. She sucked and it's not a big shocker, but we'll have to spread her work out among the rest of us. And they're reducing salaries at least through September. Oh, and we all have to take two days off without pay over the next few months. The salary reductions are small, and I know I could stand a couple of three-day weekends.

But damn, it was crappy news to get on the same day that I received bills for more than $1,000 of IF bills that we'll be paying out of pocket. I expected one of them, but I thought the acupuncture was going to be covered. Wrong! Oh well, it will all be worth it if this works, right?

And we start the Ganerelix tonight. It's a shot in the thigh. I don't know why, but I'm super freaked out by this one. I know I shouldn't be. The needle is much smaller and we don't even have to mix it, but I'm still flipping out about it. E's definitely going to have to do it for me.

It's been a long week. All I can say is TGIF.

Follie Check #2

I went in for my second u/s and b/w today and things are moving along OK. Maybe not as fast as I'd like, but still OK. Here are the numbers:

Left ovary: 13, 11, 11
Right ovary: 17, 14, 14, 14, 11, 7
Lining: 12
E2: 627 (much better!!)

Apparently, I had the numbers for the right and left switched around last time. And they don't count follicles that didn't grow since the last time, so one dropped off on the left. Anyway, I can definitely feel that there's some action on the right side, but the follies still have some growing to do so the dates from our tentative calendar have been pushed back.

Tonight, Friday, and Saturday we'll continue with the 450 of HMG. Friday and Saturday we'll also add the Ganerelix. Sunday morning I'll go in for another u/s and blood draw. Oh, and we're supposed to have sex Friday (yeah, doctor's orders). Hopefully we'll be ready to trigger Monday or Tuesday.

Saturday is also a very close friend's birthday. She's having a big party at her house that night. I'm not sure if we're going to go. I feel really weird doing injections in her bathroom in the midst of a party. And I'm a terrible liar. Lots of close friends will be there and only the B-day girl and one other know our IF details and that we're doing IVF. I'm sure people will wonder why E and I aren't drinking and why we keep going into the bathroom together and hogging it (we're still not very quick at mixing up the meds). I don't really want to tell a bunch of other people. They are friends and it's not that I care what people think about our IF issues. I just don't so many people asking for details in a few weeks. You know, self preservation? Just in case.

So, what would you do?

Stims Update

Stims are going pretty well so far. I had a little bit of bleeding after my shot on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday nights were perfect. We were doing 375 units of HMG each night. I had my first progress check this morning. Here's what happening so far:

Left ovary: 8, 9, 9, 10
Right ovary: 6, 9, 10, 13 (pretty sure the 13 is a cyst they saw on my baseline)
Lining: 8
E2: 167

Dr. D wants to see more, so she's bumping up my dosage to 450 for tonight, Tuesday, and Wednesday with u/s and b/w on Thursday.

I also downloaded an IVF meditation CD and used it for the first time last night. It was soooooo relaxing. I even felt good this morning. I usually wake up several times during the night, and I think I only woke up once. I'll definitely be using it each night right before bed and taking it with me for transfer and my acupuncture appointments.

Well, I'm off to get poked. That's all for now.

Stick it to Me, Baby

"Needle" is going to be the word of the day tomorrow.

I'll start off the day with a blood draw and ultrasound. Yay!! It's finally here! Then in the afternoon I'm going in for my second acupuncture session. And if everything goes well at my morning appointment, I'll start stims tomorrow night!!!

Here we go!

M.I.A.

Yeah, I kind of fell off the face of the blogosphere this past week. I've been reading and checking in on everyone, but I just haven't had much to say here. I'm just waiting for this cycle to get started and trying to find ways to keep my mind off of it. I've been reading The Secret again and I'm trying to just put positive vibes out there, know that this is going to work, and leave it at that. The operative word there is "trying". It's SOOO hard!! E's a big believer in it and I think if anyone can manifest a pregnancy with their mind, I think it's him. Lucky me!

But it's finally really almost here. Tomorrow I take my last BCP. Friday I go in for my baseline b/w and u/s. Hopefully, we'll start stims that day, too. I'll also have my next acupuncture treatment on Friday. I'm totally looking forward to that.

To help with the distractions, I'm out of town for work and today was super busy. Tomorrow will be even busier (thanks to a stupid, lazy coworker who isn't pulling her weight) and I won't get home until about 11 p.m. The hotel I'm staying in is really nice, too. Of course I miss E and the fur people, but it's kind of nice to just grab some take out and veg in front of the TV. I just finished an awesome veggie/tofu bowl, and as soon as I finish reading my materials to be ready for tomorrow (see lazy b*$&h above) I'm going to take a hot bath and call it a day.