Today Sucked!

All is still going well with the baby, but today sucked it - big time. I hate to be negative, but YUCK. I'm glad this day is over.

First, I had to go about 2.5 hours out of town for work. They wanted me to go yesterday, spend the night and all of today and then come back tonight. I wasn't willing to go out of town overnight for work, especially since we were heading in the opposite direction of all of my family - you know, just in case. I agreed to go down this morning with another person from the office - not my boss but a very respected senior-level staff member. We almost made it to our destination, when I had to have him pull over so I could throw up on the side of the highway. How gross. And embarrassing. How very professional of me. I think my breakfast didn't agree with me and I've felt kind of crappy the whole rest of the day. Awesome.

Later in the day, I was in a meeting and had to email some files to one of the other people in the meeting. It was the first time I opened my email all day. So, I'm in the middle of this big meeting and I see a message from my sister, aka the troll. I haven't heard anything from her in about 3 and a half months. I couldn't help but start to read it and it completely overtook my concentration. Of course, she was mean and said crappy things and now it was all I could think about. I'm sure it's part of her passive aggressive agenda to send this to my work address. Damn her!!!

Then, I finally get home tonight (yay - no puking!) and I got on FB to find out that one of my closest friends just lost the horse she's had since she was a little girl - more than 20 years. I was instantly bawling. Our animals mean the world to both of us. We talked and I think she's doing OK, all things considered, but she really didn't need this right now. She's just coming off of a tough breakup. She's a wonderful person and I hate to see her hurting.

This day needs to be OVER. I'm going to bed.

I'm Still Alive

So, um, yeah. I've been a bad blogger. Really bad. It's been 26 weeks since I posted. 26 weeks! Sheesh!

OK, so what have I been up to all of this time? Well, for one thing, I'm still pregnant!!!! Holy crap! We're actually having a baby!

What else? Well, life. It's been busy. I've still been reading and keeping up with everyone, but I just haven't taken the time to post. I'll give you the quicky version of what I've been up to for the last six months.

Morning sickness. Why do they call it morning sickness? I felt OK in the morning, but was sick the rest of the frickin' day all through the first trimester. Suck! Suck! Suck! But after everything some of us go through to get pregnant, I didn't really want to complain about it. Thanks goodness it passed.

Worrying and freaking out. I really struggled with decisions about testing. Some dear friends had a baby with a terminal genetic disorder last winter. They lost her this summer right around the time we were having to decide if/what testing to do. Their struggle affected me deeply and was at the same time very inspiring. We opted not to do any kind of prenatal screening.

Work, work, work. Oh, how I wish I didn't have to come back to work after my leave. But my job's pretty secure and we need that paycheck. E lost his job this fall and was out of work for a little while. Luckily he's working again. And this schedule may even work out so that we can go without daycare for a while. Yay! And for the most part, all is going well with our rental properties. There hasn't been much drama in a while.

I'm a Mrs. Yep. We got married this fall. We had an intimate ceremony with just a handful of family and friends. I was 22 weeks pregnant, which made dress shopping a serious challenge. :) I also found out that wedding planning isn't nearly as much fun when you're nauseous. But it turned out to be a perfect day. Married life is going well. I'm still in the process of changing my name, though. Ugh!

My sister sucks. She didn't come to the wedding and didn't have anything nice to say about the baby. Her response? "Oh." She's a fertile so I know she doesn't get it, but seriously? What a troll! We used to be fairly close, but she's chosen to spend her life with someone who's miserable and it has clearly rubbed off on her. I shed a lot of tears over it and lost a lot of sleep, but I've decided I don't need the extra stress. I just wish I got to see her kids without having to suck up to her. I hate that she uses them as a weapon.

Feelin' good. I really feel blessed that everything is going so well. The baby's doing great. I haven't had any bleeding or other scary events. I'm within the normal range on weight gain. I'm definitely getting round (I'll post a pic or two soon) and slowing down a bit, though. Sometimes my back hurts and I have heartburn. All. The. Time. But we're so lucky!

We're having a... Well, we found out a long time ago, but that warrants its own post. I have the nursery bedding and paint and hope to get everything done this weekend. I'll post a picture.

It's been so long that I still have lots more to say, but I think that's enough for now. Maybe that will force me to get back into posting regularly.

Six Weeks

I'm officially six weeks pregnant today. I still can't believe it.

For most of the last week, I've been having some cramping, mostly on the right. I tried not to freak out too much, but I was really worried it might be ectopic. We went if for our first ultrasound Monday and got the reassurance I needed. We saw...



One beautiful little bean!!!

And two big cysts on my right ovary (nobody wants to see those). I've had cysts after pretty much every cycle, but I didn't realize I could have them after IVF, too, but they said it's pretty common.

We go back next Monday for another ultrasound. We should be able to hear the heartbeat. Yay!! I've cried at all three of my visits so far, so I can't even imagine what I'll do when I hear that.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is really happening. And so far, it's going well.

Well, I'm off to get my crappy progesterone shot. Wouldn't want to miss that!

A Little Bit of Relief

I just got the call on beta #2. It's 170.

Thank God!

I'm so grateful. Everything seems to be going just how it should. I couldn't be more happy. I just wish I wasn't so scared that it could all just be ripped out from under me.

E's so cute, though. He called again today before I had the results. I'm not sure if he's quite as anxious as me, but seriously. Does he think I wouldn't call him as soon as I hang up the phone with Dr. D's office?

And my boss knows. I didn't tell her about the results, but when I let her and another coworker know that I'd be out for a quick appointment today, she assumed that it was a good sign. I told her that everything was going well so far, but it's still early. She has her fingers crossed for us. She's awesome. It's been so helpful to have an understanding boss. She has friends who've done IVF so she totally gets it.

I better get back to work.

The Agony

I went in for beta #2 this morning. My appointment was at 10:30. That is apparently the WRONG time to have an appointment. The room was overrun with pregnant chicks, babies, and toddlers. It was pretty much 20 minutes in Hell.

See, when I have to go in for blood draws, ultrasounds, etc., I can either drive out of town to my RE’s office (about two and a half hours round trip, including time in the office) or I can go to her local partnering office, aka my O/B (I’m back at work in 45 minutes). But there’s a risk. I’ve found if you go in earlier in the morning or just around lunch, it’s usually pretty slow and safe for IFers. Pretty much a baby-free zone. But mid-morning is a whole different animal. This morning, I walked in to find:

• Mom with tiny newborn and toddler
• Mom with tiny newborn, toddler, and dad
• I’m sure it was an oops, barely 20 pregnant chick with gal pal instead of dad
• Pregnant woman with young child and dad (who looked even more pregnant than mom)
• Pregnant woman with dad talking to the people in the billing area
• Pregnant woman with four (yes, four) other girls all probably under 7 (and from the less-than-nice way she yelled at one of them, I’m guessing she’s not an in-home daycare provider)

Seriously. 20 minutes in Hell.

When my awesome nurse, Jackie, called me back, I’m sure she saw the look of panic on my face. “Sorry about that. Sometimes it’s like a pediatrician’s office in here,” she said, “It can be a little overwhelming.”

We chatted a little. She drew my blood. And now we wait (it's the theme of this whole crappy IF thing).

Fingers crossed for at least 146.

73

I can't believe it. It's real. I just got the call with my beta results. 73!!!!!!

I POAS Sunday and this morning and saw a line both times, but it's amazing to hear it from the doctor's office. I told my nurse this morning that I'd already done three tests (she said six was their record). When she asked me if I had any questions about the next steps, I totally bawled. She's so awesome. She gave me the kind of hug that squeezes out all of your breathe, reassured me that there's nothing wrong with happy tears after waiting all of this time, said they'd want to see me again for my next beta on Wednesday, and sent me on my way.

E called a few hours later, anxiously awaiting the news that I didn't yet have. His sister had already called expecting news, too. I know that she and their mom have been praying for us, so they'll both be over the moon.

They ordered me a prescription for even more folic acid and said to come back for my next beta on Wednesday.

Oh, and Dr. D's office called yesterday to say that two of our other embies made it freeze! Woo hoo!

8dp3dt - Can You See It?

Symptom watch has continued all week. It's gone kind of like this:

Ooh, here's some cramping. My boobs don't hurt at all. I feel kind of tired - I wonder if that means anything (besides that I've only been without my precious Diet Coke for about a week). A little more cramping. Nothing. Most of my pants don't fit. I've been driving myself insane!

I've been dying to POAS, but E convinced me to wait until at least this morning. As soon as I woke up, I peed, went downstairs to let the dogs out, and I came back to check the progress. This is what I saw:

It's really faint and I'm sure I didn't really capture it well with my camera, but there's a freakin' line. It's the first time I've EVER seen one. I called E into the bathroom and asked if he could see it, too. He agreed that it was light, but he could see it. He smiled. I cried. We hugged.

HOLY CRAP! I know it's early, and I'll definitely be doing it again tomorrow and again Monday before my beta, but WOW!

One More Thing

I just remembered something else crazy today. There were two all-office birth announcement e-mails today. Seriously. There should be a setting in Outlook that blocks those damn things when infertiles are in their 2WW. Yuck.

Delete!

4dp3dt

I'm officially driving myself crazy with the wait. First my boobs feel swollen and sore. Then nothing. Then they're only a little bit sore. From time to time I feel a tiny twinge, cramp, or anything in that general area and wonder if this is it. Implantation? Or just digestion?

E jokes that the "babies" must be kicking. They'll be strong. Maybe soccer players.

Either way, this was my first day back at work after the transfer and thank God I was busy. Don't get me wrong. I spent plenty of time consulting Dr. Google, but I had lots to do (seriously, more than 80 e-mails about just one project between Thursday afternoon and today) so I kept my mind off of it as much as possible.

My beta is on Monday. I think I'm going to take the day off, unless I POAS before that and get a BFP. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to make it to Monday without POAS at least twice (I know I have two tests in the house).

This is just maddening. The 2WW is EVIL. I'm trying to stay positive and do my meditations, but AGHHHH!

Bed Rest is Boring

My transfer went really well yesterday, and now I'm just hanging out, relaxing in bed. And hoping.

Dr. D called early in the morning and said that all of our embryos looked good (I don't remember the specifics). Based on my age and how they looked, she recommended transferring two, which is exactly what we wanted to do. I know there's no guarantee that three would stick if transferred, but the thought of triplets is really scary to me. A woman in my office has IUI triplets and I'm not sure how I could handle working, three newborns, managing our rentals, etc. So, anyway, whew. Two it is.

I grabbed my bottled water and we headed for the office. We checked in at 8:45 just like we were told, then the nurse mentioned that Dr. D would be there at 10. My jaw dropped. They had told me it would be 9. My bladder was so full I thought it would burst right on the table even if we went in at 9, let alone 10. The nurse said she'd go check. By 9:30, I couldn't take it anymore and called for the nurse to ask for an update and permission to relieve my bladder at least a little. It was hard to stop once the flood gates opened, but I did it. Immediately after that, the nurse came in to take us back. Crap. I took a few more chugs and we headed back.

When we got into the room, someone pointed out a stool right next to the table and said, "Dad, you can sit right here". I was totally choked up. Then Dr. D handed us a photo of all five embies and pointed out the two. Can you call embryos cute? 'Cuz they were the cutest ones I've ever seen. There was a little pressure and then they were in. That was it. I also asked Dr. D about the other three and she thought we'd be able to freeze at least two of them. Woo Hoo!

I got wheeled back to the initial room to relax for an hour. I listened to my meditation, they drew blood, we waited some more, and finally we go to head home. E took me to my acupuncture appointment, where I listened to my meditation again, we grabbed some Subway to bring home, and I planted my butt in bed.

And here I am. Still in bed. I've watched three of the five movies I rented. I've watched some crappy TV. And I'm bored. Just hangin' out, thinking sticky thoughts.

Hello ICLWers

Welcome to my little blog. Thanks for stopping by. Here's the elevator version of our story:

We've been together for almost five years and TTC for much of the last two. We've been through several unsuccessful Clomid cycles, sat out lots of months with cysts, and went for our first IUI in February. We were cancelled because of a low sperm count and found out IVF with ICSI is pretty much our only shot. After lots of testing and a surgery, we are in the midst of our IVF cycle right now. Tomorrow is transfer day.

Our life outside of IF (I know, it does exist) is filled with hectic full-time jobs, two dogs, two cats, E's work on his Ph.D., and several rental properties.

I look forward to hearing your stories.

The Fab Five

All five are still growing. The nurse didn't give me any specifics, but she did say that if they see abnormalities there is some sort of code put on the file. No code!!

I'm supposed to be at the hospital at 8:45 tomorrow with my bladder full and my Valium in hand. Dr. D will call us earlier in the morning to discuss the specifics of the embryos and make the final call on how many we'll transfer.

I'll try to write more later. Gotta get back to work so I can get out of here on time.

YAY!

Fertilized!!!

I finally got the call. All five were ICSI’d and ALL FIVE FERTILIZED!!! I’m so frickin’ excited. I couldn’t hold back the tears as the nurse told me the news. They’ll call back tomorrow with an update and final details of the transfer on Friday. Oh. My. God.

I went into the bathroom, regained at least some of my composure, and called E to give him the amazing news. Poor guy is at home cramming for the last few minutes before he has to leave for a huge board exam this afternoon. He was excited and asked me a few questions, including “Do they sometimes not fertilize?” Wow, guys are so lucky to not have the role of worrying about all of the details/process. He’s not a details guy, and I guess I do enough obsessing/worrying/researching for both us so we’ll be fine.

I came back to my desk and cried a little more. I can’t believe we’re actually here. This is the closest we’ve ever come. We didn’t know it at the time, but nothing we did any of the other times was ever going to work. And now we have five beautiful little embies that are part me and part him. It’s just so overwhelming.

Well, I better get back to work before I turn into a big, blubbering pile of goo.

Retrieval Day

We got up before the crack of dawn this morning to make our way to our retrieval. Results weren't quite as good as I'd hoped, but they could have been a lot worse so I guess I'll take what I can get. Even though I had more follicles during the ultrasounds, we ended up with 5 eggs. And now we wait - that's the name of the game, isn't it?

I felt like the procedure went well and Dr. D said so, too. The nurses were really nice, but they had trouble getting my IV started. It took four pokes and I'm going to have some lovely bruises tomorrow. That was definitely the worst part.

E and I got to walk down the hall together where they took him through one door to produce his sample and took me through another. Anesthesia went well. Once I was in the stirrups, they put a mask over my mouth and nose. I took two breathes and that was it. Then I woke up with another really nice nurse who liked my fabulous striped socks. She had just seen the play "Wicked" and said they reminded her of the witch - hehe!

Then she gave me the egg report, which was less than thrilling. Five. I know. All it takes is one, but please, please, please let this be enough. We're doing ICSI, so hopefully they'll all fertilize. I'm praying for a good report tomorrow morning. I feel much better than I did after my lap last month so I'll be going to work tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

3rd Follie Check

This morning I had another u/s and b/w. My local doctor's office isn't open on on Sundays, so I actually had to go to the RE's office an hour away. My lining was good, E2 was 1575, and Dr. D said it's time to trigger! Yay!

She said it looks like we'll have seven mature eggs and a few others that may or may not catch up. I was kind of dissapointed by the low number, but she seems confident that we'll be fine. We signed all of the consent forms and got our updated instructions:

HCG trigger tonight at 10
Retrieval Tuesday morning
Start PIO Tuesday - so not looking forward to that
Transfer Friday morning

Tomorrow, I'll call my acupuncturist and schedule my pre- and post-transfer sessions. Holy crap. I'm so excited/nervous/freaked out that it's finally the big week. It's a good thing I'm going to be swamped at work tomorrow or I'd be a useless mess.

In other non-IF news, we spent a few hours over at one of our rentals this afternoon. We (well, mostly E) mowed and did yard work and I had four showings. Our tenants, who are awesome, graduated and will be moving out at the end of the month. Two of the four filled out applications on the spot -- and I liked them both. I still have to process the applications (credit/criminal/reference checks), but I think either of them would be fine. They're both willing to sign a lease starting June 1, so no lapse in rent payments.

Woo hoo!

Money Sucks

Seriously. Money sucks. We had a big meeting today at work and found out that due to the fabulous economy, someone from our department was let go. She sucked and it's not a big shocker, but we'll have to spread her work out among the rest of us. And they're reducing salaries at least through September. Oh, and we all have to take two days off without pay over the next few months. The salary reductions are small, and I know I could stand a couple of three-day weekends.

But damn, it was crappy news to get on the same day that I received bills for more than $1,000 of IF bills that we'll be paying out of pocket. I expected one of them, but I thought the acupuncture was going to be covered. Wrong! Oh well, it will all be worth it if this works, right?

And we start the Ganerelix tonight. It's a shot in the thigh. I don't know why, but I'm super freaked out by this one. I know I shouldn't be. The needle is much smaller and we don't even have to mix it, but I'm still flipping out about it. E's definitely going to have to do it for me.

It's been a long week. All I can say is TGIF.

Follie Check #2

I went in for my second u/s and b/w today and things are moving along OK. Maybe not as fast as I'd like, but still OK. Here are the numbers:

Left ovary: 13, 11, 11
Right ovary: 17, 14, 14, 14, 11, 7
Lining: 12
E2: 627 (much better!!)

Apparently, I had the numbers for the right and left switched around last time. And they don't count follicles that didn't grow since the last time, so one dropped off on the left. Anyway, I can definitely feel that there's some action on the right side, but the follies still have some growing to do so the dates from our tentative calendar have been pushed back.

Tonight, Friday, and Saturday we'll continue with the 450 of HMG. Friday and Saturday we'll also add the Ganerelix. Sunday morning I'll go in for another u/s and blood draw. Oh, and we're supposed to have sex Friday (yeah, doctor's orders). Hopefully we'll be ready to trigger Monday or Tuesday.

Saturday is also a very close friend's birthday. She's having a big party at her house that night. I'm not sure if we're going to go. I feel really weird doing injections in her bathroom in the midst of a party. And I'm a terrible liar. Lots of close friends will be there and only the B-day girl and one other know our IF details and that we're doing IVF. I'm sure people will wonder why E and I aren't drinking and why we keep going into the bathroom together and hogging it (we're still not very quick at mixing up the meds). I don't really want to tell a bunch of other people. They are friends and it's not that I care what people think about our IF issues. I just don't so many people asking for details in a few weeks. You know, self preservation? Just in case.

So, what would you do?

Stims Update

Stims are going pretty well so far. I had a little bit of bleeding after my shot on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday nights were perfect. We were doing 375 units of HMG each night. I had my first progress check this morning. Here's what happening so far:

Left ovary: 8, 9, 9, 10
Right ovary: 6, 9, 10, 13 (pretty sure the 13 is a cyst they saw on my baseline)
Lining: 8
E2: 167

Dr. D wants to see more, so she's bumping up my dosage to 450 for tonight, Tuesday, and Wednesday with u/s and b/w on Thursday.

I also downloaded an IVF meditation CD and used it for the first time last night. It was soooooo relaxing. I even felt good this morning. I usually wake up several times during the night, and I think I only woke up once. I'll definitely be using it each night right before bed and taking it with me for transfer and my acupuncture appointments.

Well, I'm off to get poked. That's all for now.

Stick it to Me, Baby

"Needle" is going to be the word of the day tomorrow.

I'll start off the day with a blood draw and ultrasound. Yay!! It's finally here! Then in the afternoon I'm going in for my second acupuncture session. And if everything goes well at my morning appointment, I'll start stims tomorrow night!!!

Here we go!

M.I.A.

Yeah, I kind of fell off the face of the blogosphere this past week. I've been reading and checking in on everyone, but I just haven't had much to say here. I'm just waiting for this cycle to get started and trying to find ways to keep my mind off of it. I've been reading The Secret again and I'm trying to just put positive vibes out there, know that this is going to work, and leave it at that. The operative word there is "trying". It's SOOO hard!! E's a big believer in it and I think if anyone can manifest a pregnancy with their mind, I think it's him. Lucky me!

But it's finally really almost here. Tomorrow I take my last BCP. Friday I go in for my baseline b/w and u/s. Hopefully, we'll start stims that day, too. I'll also have my next acupuncture treatment on Friday. I'm totally looking forward to that.

To help with the distractions, I'm out of town for work and today was super busy. Tomorrow will be even busier (thanks to a stupid, lazy coworker who isn't pulling her weight) and I won't get home until about 11 p.m. The hotel I'm staying in is really nice, too. Of course I miss E and the fur people, but it's kind of nice to just grab some take out and veg in front of the TV. I just finished an awesome veggie/tofu bowl, and as soon as I finish reading my materials to be ready for tomorrow (see lazy b*$&h above) I'm going to take a hot bath and call it a day.

I hope it all worked out OK

Do you ever wonder how things turned out for people you've never met? That's how I felt today.

Saturday night we were browsing at our local big box bookstore, and of course we stopped in the women's health section to check out the fertility books. It's not like we need more. We have an entire shelf. One or both of us have checked out everything available from the library. And we're far enough into it that many of the books don't really offer us much in the way of new information. Still, there were a couple that I almost picked up, but I decided I'd see if I could find them cheaper online.

Fast forward to today. E called to ask if I had ordered those books because he just found them both at a thrift store. Sweet!

When I got home from work I saw that along with the two books I wanted, he found two other fertility books and a pregnancy book. I've seen this before. E and I sell books online (I know - as if jobs, rentals, and trying to get knocked up weren't enough to keep us busy) so we frequently go to thrift stores, book sales and garage sales looking for books. My guess is that they were all donated by one person.

I have no idea who this person is. I probably don't know them, but we live in a smaller city. Maybe I do. You never know. And they've been through the same agony/stress/sadness that we all know too well.

I hope this journey ended the way they wanted.

The Goods

I finally got around to taking the obligatory photo of my drugs for this cycle. Here it is:

I also found out yesterday that I will have to go out of town for work for a few days between May 4th and May 7th. It's for a beotch of a project, a repeat from last year. Ugh! And we'll be taking the corporate plane so I can't have E come along and turn it into a mini vaca - bummer. But it's what I had been assuming and is why we pushed our IVF schedule out.

Here's our tentative schedule:
May 5 - last BCP
May 7 - period should start
May 8 - baseline bloodwork and ultrasound, hopefully start HMG shots
May 15 - HCG trigger shot
May 17 - retrieval
May 20 - transfer

So, still two more weeks till things really get started. But I have my first acupuncture session tomorrow. I'm pretty pumped and hope it will make me feel like I'm doing something while we wait. Man, this whole waiting thing is just making me crazy.

Hi ICLWers

So ... shots class wasn't so bad. It was nice to be in a room full of other people who "get it," and I think E even had a little fun poking the little practice butt with the needle. My protocol doesn't include Lupron, so we really won't have that many shots. Well, at least until we get to the daily PIO, but we won't think about that yet. And they said I could switch back to my other BCPs for the last two weeks. Yeah!

This is my first ICLW, so I should probably let you all know a little more about me. And yes, Katie, I would like to do it alphabet style. Thanks for the idea! Here goes.

Acupuncture - I'm going in for my consultation and first treatment on Friday. I'm a big believer in the mind/body connection, and I think the relaxation will be very helpful.

Books - I have dozens of fertility-related books and I love reading, but I don't always have time so I listen to lots of books on CD. Today I finished Three Cups of Tea and started When You Were Engulfed in Flames. Hilarious!

COBRA - E works in the insurance industry and worked for a company that actually offered fertility coverage. And domestic partner benefits. He left that job, but we were able to keep me on the insurance policy through COBRA. It's far from cheap (more than five times the price I paid for insurance through my employer) and we'll probably max out the benefits by the end of this cycle, but if this works we'll come out ahead. I feel very blessed that we have it.

Dogs - We have two. We call them the Fur People. Sadie is a 4-year-old Aussie/Collie mix (we think - she was a shelter dog), who's a ball of energy. Ranger is a Sheltie we think is 6 or 7, but he came from a rescue, too, so we aren't sure.

E - That's my fiance, but he doesn't want me to use his name.

FSH - My FSH level at the start of this cycle was 10.5. I know that's borderline, so there's no time to lose.

Ganirelix - My protocol calls for Ganirelix instead of Lupron. This means only a couple of shots in my thigh. I'm glad 'cuz that freaks me out more than the shots in the butt.

Huge cyst - I warmed the bench in November and December of 2008 because of an especially huge cyst on my right ovary. See L below.

IVF with ICSI - E's swimmers aren't too bad, but we just don't have enough of them. When our IUI was cancelled in February because of a low count, we found out this was likely the only way we'd get pregnant.

Journalism - My undergraduate degree is in print journalism. And if I could come up with a topic and get crackin' on my thesis, I'd have a master's degree in it, too.

Kiki - She's one of the cats, who we just call cats, not Fur People.

Laproscopy/Hysteroscopy - During my saline sono in late March, we found out that my stupid cyst had grown again and had to be removed. Oh, and I had polyps inside my uterus. What fun! During the L/H, they also found a little endometriosis and removed that, too.

Marketing - I work in marketing for a consulting firm. It's stressful and sometimes the hours are long. It's not my dream job, but my immediate co-workers are cool, it pays the bills and I know it could be MUCH worse.

Nala - She's the other cat. She was mine before E and I met, but she prefers him. She hangs out with him in his office so he calls her his secretary.

OPKs - They suck. I never got a reliable response from them during any of my Clomid cycles.

Pi**ed - That's how I felt when we realized that we wasted a year on Clomid. I first talked to my OBGYN in December 2007. E had an SA done in February 2008 that was kind of low, but not aweful. We thought we had plenty of time to be conservative. HA!! Little did we know. I wish we'd done more testing early on, but oh well.

Qi Gong - I've been thinking about trying it since Dr. D says I can't really do anything strenous. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

Real Estate - In addition to our regular jobs, E and I own and manage nine rental units. We have two houses, a duplex, and a five-plex. We started that adventure in October 2006 and have learned a lot since then. I hope to eventually be able to just freelance and manage the rentals.

Sperm - We just don't have enough of it.

Tattoo - When I was 18, I got two tattoos. I have Kokopelli on the big toe of my right foot, and two dolphins swimming around a yin yang symbol on my hip (I know. Trite, but a lot less ironic than the fertility god).

Uterus - Mine is now a polyp-free zone.

Vegetarian - I've been a vegetarian since I was 18. I'm definitely in the minority here in the Midwest.

Wine - I love full-bodied reds. Mmmm. Shiraz. But hopefully I won't be drinking any for a long time...

X-ray - HSG counts, right? I don't know if it's because my uterus is tilted, but dang, that hurt!

Y Chromosome Deletion - Since E's count is so low, our clinic required chromosome testing. Luckily everything came back negative.

Zen - My job is stressful in ways that are often beyond my control so I'm searching for ways to find my zen during these next several weeks. Any ideas?

Whew! Thanks for sticking with me through all of that.

Shots Class is Tomorrow

We go in for our shots training class tomorrow afternoon. E has already given me one shot before (the HCG for our cancelled IUI in February) so I think it should go pretty well. I'm also going to ask if I can switch BCPs since I have an extra pack of the ones I like better and I'll be taking them for two more weeks. It only took about two days of these ones to give me the complexion of a 14-year-old.

Nothing else too exciting on the IF front. We had a fairly relaxing weekend here. The weather was pretty nice so we got outside and started doing a little work in the front yard. The yard work doesn't seem nearly as bad when it's on your own house. We moved into this house about a year and a half ago and have been so busy with projects at our rental properties that we haven't done anything beyond mowing here. It was nice to have a move-in ready place, but I'm itching to start painting some walls and digging in the yard. We even made a compost bin. I might have to make more because it's almost full already.

Hopefully the nice weather will stick around so I can make some real progress on my plans for flower beds in front of the house. I think this will be a good way to distract myself at least a little.

Another Damn Duggar

Fertile freaks. I read today that the oldest one, who just got married last fall, has managed to get his wife knocked up. There were already plenty of reasons to find these people annoying (cutesy J themed names, Mom's bad hair, making each older kid take care of a younger one - their "buddy", the name Jim Bob . . . I could go on). Did you know that they didn't even kiss until their wedding? Makes me want to vomit.

I picked up my Ganirilex, Pregnyl, and progesterone in oil today. The PIO was covered by my insurance!! It was only $5. The rest, sadly, was a lot more.

I don't really have much else to say today. Just popping my BCPs and waiting.

All Systems Go

It's official. We got the "all clear" today. It's really happening.

The day started bright and early with a trip to Dr. D's office, about an hour away. It was a follow-up from my laproscopy and hysteroscopy about a week and a half ago to remove a large ovarian cyst, polyps in my uterus, and a little endometriosis that we didn't even know about until they got in there and looked around.

Dr. D said everything from the surgery looked good, informed us that E's other chromosome testing came back negative, confirmed that we have our drugs (I picked up the expensive ones today and the others are waiting at the pharmacy), and that we're signed up for Injections 101 (Yep, next Tuesday!).

They even gave me a little memento from my surgery - photos of my insides. Gross! E suggested that we leave these photos out of any scrapbooks. I agreed.

I also called a local acupunturist who works with fertility patients. My first appointment is next Friday and we'll determine a schedule/protocol from there. He's also an MD, so there's a chance my insurance might cover some of it. I can't wait.

So, no more hurdles. No more testing. It's on. It's real. Woo hoo!

Good News

I got some good news today from Dr. D's office. E's Y chromosome test came back negative. Yeah! Now the only test results we're waiting on are the rest of his chromosome screening and we should have that back next week.

Hello, Blogland (aka CD1)

Hi, blogland. I'm C and I'm infertile. I've known for the last year and a half that I had fertility issues (I don't ovulate on my own), but we've recently discovered that my fiance (we'll call him E) does, too.

We went in for an IUI and were cancelled because of a very low sperm count. Basically, IVF with ICSI is our only real option. So, after lots of additional testing and number crunching, that's our plan. I have our calendar, the drugs are on their way, and I popped my first BCP today. YEAH!

During our first year of clomid, ultrasounds, BCPs/waiting for cysts to shrink, and reflexology, I've learned so much from the online IF community and I've gained strength and inspiration from other bloggers. Even though I rarely comment, I feel like I've gotten to know so many wonderful women just by following your blogs.

As we learned that our only real shot at a biological child is with IVF/ICSI, I found myself with an unending stream of thoughts floating around in my head. I decided to start this blog as an attempt to focus them. Hopefully I'll be a little more productive at work? Maybe I'll find a cycle buddy? Who knows? I guess none of us really know how this journey will end, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

C